Random

Cool!
It feels great to blog again. Meanwhile I have been stuck with many involvements that were eating too much time. Finally I've successfully pushed myself to open blogger.com and write a new post. And whoa!!

Things have changed. Blogger is brand new. All tidy and organized. I like it too much. All soft colors, neat and new features. Good work Google. :)

I was thinking on what to write on and then I saw another blog whose author apparently faced the same commotion. The post titled "Random", just said about what happened in the author's life when she was away. And I thought, "thankyou ma'am"!

So, whats been going on?
A lot. I've been stuck with my placements, and after that the mid semester exams. It all has been such a haze. When I was not doing what I was doing, I literally was lost on why I was doing what I was doing. And yeah, I got placed. As charsi aptly commented, "Mr. Aricent!! Hmm.". I was a little downhearted, when mum and dad weren't that excited. And as the legends say "satisfaction is but, a mirage". I was happy though. But being human sucks, (am sorry salman khan). Its just the whole bunch of human emotions, I have to live with. With more companies coming, offering better packages, I am tempted. My friends trying again, makes me feel like left behind. Where's my peace?! Humans will always be imperfect and satisfaction will always be a mirage. ( : a personal dogma, open for discussion. heh. )

Talking about being psycho, now I can almost entirely believe that. Something's wrong with me. May be I have gone something like, aware-psycho. My brain is all fucked up. I don't want to make this post depressing for the reader, hence I'll skip this. Also I've been listening to a LOT of post rock. GIAA, Explosions in the sky, If tress could talk, Mogwai. Awesome stuff. Thanks to ritvik and last.fm. I am so addicted.

Whats else been going on! lemme think..

Yeah. Web Dev. My possible future. I have been involved with a couple of projects. www.thewedbells.com/site  is a wedding planner website I am making with my mentor, Gaurav sir at mlabs. And then there is lifeahead, the startup by "charsi" helping students in SAT prep. Nice, challenging projects, I loved them. I also want to improve my efficiency and the tools I use. Web is evolving so fast. I want to look at examples and learn, what are the new way of doing things. Amazing creativity one sees now a days, websites are more dynamic and easy to maintain. This is definitely where I want my future to be.

Oh, so much more to say. I'll better break it down into separate posts.

..

This has become frustrating. All the placements blues have turned from darkness to depressing. The sudden wave of companies has hit my normal peaceful and productive life and has completely destroyed it. All I do now is sit at home, checking my gmail, trying to study C and trying to figure out why I couldn't make it to the last company.

My Dad told me yesterday, that "tumharey pair do naav par hain" (You are stuck between two sides.) By which he meant that I, although doing my undergrad in Electronics, am trying for a software job. For the later, I have bleak chances, as I'll be competing with the best-in-class COE/IT comrades. Many of whom I know and are very good friends of mine. The reason my conscience tells me: that I dont have interest in electronics, and I always have been inclined to computers. Am a bit of coder too. This feels like.. I cannot conceive a term; like an alien world; like a dead walk; like numb; like I am drowning. Competitions scare me. I'll always been more productive in a non-competitive environment.

So, one thing I have realized, it requires both skill and luck to make it across. I've sat for two companies so far. Adobe and Directi; both of them A++ grade companies and offering very promising pay packages. I couldn't get through in either. Lack of skill is definitely one reason, I need to work on that. I need some luck too. Next up is Winshuttle. Let's see.

Hope the depression does not take away the best from within me.

getting to know myself

I have been going to driving classes recently. I always was of the opinion that I was born to travel. I like travelling. Although sometimes I miss home terribly, but I have the general tendency to prefer living outside as much as possible.

I have traveled outstation without letting my parents know. I have traveled really far, all alone. I have often found myself in trouble. Sometimes out of money, out of sleep. But I have enjoyed it. I have always believed that travelling broadens our thinking and perception. But my health problems have somehow weakened me physically. I now think twice before even going to CP. This feels handicapped.

But I really like driving. I am far from perfect right now, but I know I can get better and be a really good driver someday. I have even imagine myself taking up the job of a driver someday. Duh. Engineering, that is taught to us, seems like a dead end. Exploring the world feels a better future for me. :)

Wait, No. I like coding and computers also. I also, in some part of my conscience, want to be a programmer. Web Designer to be precise. I like it. It's frustrating at times and even bad for health. All the shoulder pain and red eyes and hours sitting on a chair, staring at the monitor, which stares back; it feels crazy.

God help me.

the last train

Yup, so as you can see in the image: I am standing at the metro station and the my clock says 11:30. As it happened, it got very late yesterday while dining with my friends at Fire 'n' Ice, Sector 10, dwarka. The end semester exams had just finished and we were celebrating.

Usually on such an occasion, I stayed in the hostel. But today when I was talking with my dad earlier, he was somehow more persistent for me to get home. He even said that if I missed the metro, he can come here to pick me up. That was unusual. Hmm.

So I got up while my friends were still eating to grab the metro. It was already 10:30 and I knew that the last metro left around this time. Still, I my dad's temper scared me and I did'nt want to give him the trouble to come pick me up all the way from home. So I hit the now deserted streets of dwarka and almost panicked when I could'nt find any single rickshaw in site. The metro station was far off and I knew for sure that I could'nt have made it on foot. Luckily I got one and I had to run and cross the red light for that. So when I reached the station (and it was deserted to the point of looking haunted), I hurried with the checking and the half-asleep guards to reach the platform and was relieved beyond doubt that I made it.

As I hopped on the the next metro, I noticed that it was only till the dwarka station and my stop was ahead of that. This caused me some panic but I thought it better to leave the thinking for when the trouble came. And indeed, soon, the driver announced for all the passengers to de-board at dwarka station as it was the final stop. There were hardly 10 more fellow passengers. Hmm, this could be trouble. But after some tense moments, there was an announcement that the next train is the last train for today and it will go to Noida City Center. Relief. :)

So it was now official, I was on today's last train. It finally arrived and I hopped on. There were a total of around 20 people on the train, all half-asleep, sprawling on the seats. The guy who sat in front of me was drunk, I could smell alcohol. (image attached)

So I finally got home at 11:45 and my dad was ballistic. What happened after that was definitely not the kind of day I imagined as the last day of exam.

mom : berserker

my mom reminds of berserker; a demon in the game 'gears of war' which I played sometime ago.

no offense here, but there is one thing similar. i can't stop her. when she's cleaning the room, believe me, you don't wanna get in her way. specially in the morning, she moves around like a berserker in full anger and concentration.

anyways i love my mom. :)