day 7 - positivity experiment

So i couldn't write about the five things that made me happy for the other six days and only have been able to put myself into writing on the last day of the positivity experiment. It's kind of hard and irresponsible of me to be not able to do that, since I volunteered. But hey, I did notice the five points that made me happy. Sometimes there were only four, but I managed to filter out the five on other occasions.

So assuming that a day starts after 12 in the night, the first thing that made me happy was that I completed the novel 'breaking dawn'. I was into reading the four twilight books since a month and through scattered reading sessions, the novels seemed invincible. Last time it happened when i was on a similar mission to complete the seven books of harry potter. I used to have dreams and nightmares, all revolving around the novels, their charters and events. Its kind of psychic, I mean, we are into this reading business for quite a while and when in free time or even when we have other work to do, we just start reading as if we cant get enough. Its maniacal. But when you are finally done with the novel, there is a hell-of-a-sense-of-achievement. I felt the same and this made me happy. The novels were captivating no doubt, but a little girlie for a normal egoistic guy. But i am not really one of them, so i enjoyed them in earnest. But I had my 'yukk' moments too. No offense girls. haha

I slept late as a consequence and had not more than four hours of sleep before I got up at six. I was supposed to go for my CAT coaching classes. Today was the first day and commencement of my batch. The class was to start from 7:30 and go on till 9:30 and it took me usually an hour to reach CP. So i had half an hour to get ready and fly off for the metro. When i made it there finally a good 15minutes late, i was still huffing. The class was exceptionally quite and everyone seemed to be busy with some paper without even a teacher in class. 'Wow', i thought, first day and and they greet me with a test. sure sure. But as I delved deep into the paper, i realized, my brain was working exceptionally clear. I was able to solve many problems without much brainstorming or hair doodling. This mad me happy for the second time. Although I was felling sleep deprived and physically weak, my mind was racing.

When I got back home, I was all fucked with fever. My forehead burning, feeling cold, my eyes disoriented and I was happy i didn't go unconscious in the metro. huh. I had a good bed rest after some medication. And all that time, i dreamt of vampires and werevolves. huh. silly, how ficton can conquer the unconscious mind so easily.

So not many donuts for me today, only two things made me happy!aarghh, this fever.

train diaries 2

I was sitting on a concrete bench at the railway station. It was past twilight and almost dark. People were bustling around in random directions; some waiting, caterers carrying food, passengers inquiring about the trains, others just wandering. Everything was just a background drone. And I was sitting there alone with strangers on that inconspicious bench, lost somewhere.

I had a very eventful day earlier. My mind so full of thoughts that it almost felt numb; as if I could no longer think. I just sat, staring ahead on the empty tracks which was soon to support a monstrous iron structure meant to carry humans hundreds of kilometres. Then the lady spoke, and I felt her voice all around me, all over the station, echoing through my numb brain. As I finally managed to realize the urgent need to respond to her, I looked around. The voice was still coming from somewhere, everyone listening intently to it. I sighed as I realized it was the computer generated female voice making announcements. 'So stupid roopam, have i lost my mind, I could have missed it', I thought as I came back to present. The noise around me was suddenyl deafening. My train would be arriving here in 20 mins. I looked around.

It was dark indeed and I wasn't dreaming. I thougt of the agony that lay ahead of me. Travelling in a second class coach was never much of a thrill but endurance, a test to human's patience and desparation. My past experiences with it were worse than nightmares. And here I was again, facing another challenge. I shuddered and exhaled in fear and felt an urgent need to clam myself before I panicked. I thought of the 'aal iz well' technique. It was insane enough watching that in the moovie but felt quite reasonable then. I recalled the basics skills of survival. Breathe, look around, look for details. 'Its all in your brain roopam, its nothing dangerous, just ordinary, look at the people around, do they look afraid?', I tried to steady my heartbeat. It wasn't completely successful but yeah it did remind of how much a human can endure, pain is next to nothing in this part of the world. 'Humans are amazing and I am a human too'. Okay, so I looked around again concentrating on the details.

The man sitting next to me was deleting some applcations in his motorolla phone. He was deleting the game, 'prince of persia - sands of time'. I grimaced at how much detail I was supposed to consider. 'Damnit, I have certainly lost my mind'. I instinctively looked at my left wrist. There was no watch. I almost panicked, my heart exploding out of my chest. Then I recalled, the watch had stopped earlier and I had kept it in my bag. Panic was still there. I tried to feel my phone in my waist pcocket, and thanked god having found it. I concentrated again, frantically looking around for details that could put me back in control. I realized i was hungry and I recalled i had a burger in my bag. I took it out and ate it still looking around wildly.

Then a beggar walked from my right. That was sudden; there was a lot of crowd around and very close and suddenly here he was, facing us with a pityful face. I looked at him, surprised, wondering if my face was looking alike in panic: pityful. He asked for some money and said he needs to get home and has no money to buy a ticket. He also added that the ticket was for 35 bucks and I wondered where can a ticket that amount would mean for. 'Kanpur may be..lko was abt 1.5 hrs from kanpur..yah possible'. I ignored him at first as I do with all other beggars. Then he pressed more and said that he just needs some money, he is stuck here and really needs to get home. I dont know what happened to me but i just took out a 5-bucks coin from my pocket and gave him. While my hand was in my pocket searching for the coin, he said 'inka dil bhoot bada h' and looked at me with life in his eyes. I could see it, I could see myself in his place, begging for help, in agony, alone. I gave him the coin and he said 'i love you, i love you man, i love you'. I frowned at the absurdity of the situation and reconsidered my assumption that i wasn't dreaming.

The person sitting beside me chuckled. This was something extremely out of place. But I also knew this was the moment I would'nt forget. I have had one experience with an intelligent and 'exceptional' beggar before. None so thankful as he was and none with the kind of gratitude in the eyes as I saw in his as he left. The guy beside me told, 'you just made his night'. Which of corse meant that all the wanna-go-home excuse was fake. He just craved for alcohol. And I didn't care. I told him, 'ni yar, i have been stuck on a railway station, bht bura hota h, mujhe vo yaad agaya'. And indeed, whenever I think of that night on the station, with no money, my mis-adventures, I have to fight back tears. That was the reason i gave him the money. I don't care if he buys himself a 'desi' with it or gambles, i was happy I helped someone who might be in that nightmarish situation.

And then I was happy, full of energy. I realised I had to change my jeans to a more cmfortable shorts for the journey. I had to call my mom, buy some water. A few more unfortunate things happened that night, but finally in the morning I was in Delhi. And it felt like winning a battle. I wish I could write more about my journey that night or the events that led me so far from my home. The past day two days were more tiring and eventful than last two months combined. My life just had another hysteric and extreme chapter.

hey bhaggu thanx...thanx for giving me a real 'life'.

tetris in javascript!

hey guys

So i made this game on my own with javascript help from variuos websites but the implementation and dedbugging has been my study and sweat. I am making the source code publicly available, but I beg you not to misuse it or take credit yourselves (as if I made time machine ..but still honor is something all coders live by).

As for the rest of it, do let me know about any faults and corrections. And for queries and abuses, I am availabale at mailroopam@gmail.com as long as google exixts.

Here goes a small walk-through of how the game was made:

I tell you a secret, i am a dork. Yah i am insulting myself but for a reason. Its better to accept what you are, right? The reason is i don't know what I want. Knowing what you want and not being able to do it is honourable enough. So basically I am trying my hands on everything that interests me even a little. Javascript, my latest fancy, is a browser based language used for both client and server scripting. Although coined as very light weight language, it gets super heavy if one goes deeper and can be compared to any full fledged language like C++. Also a bug that plagued me and many more starters is that javascript and java are not the same.

Anyways the idea for making a game in javascript is originally a part of an idea of making a website for people like us looking for information and kick offs in internet and multimedia technologies. Still under construction, I plan to launch it in near time. So it happened like i already had made a shooting game in javascript and was looking for an idea for another game, that is more indulging, simple and fun to play. Tetris struck me when I was sitting in a J2ME workshop at my college. Cant remember what exactly triggered the thought but the idea seemed good enough. Going back, standing on the metro station I told a friend I was going to make tetris in javascript. He told me, he would do that in adobe flash. Dunno if he was joking but i started off with it the moment I came back home.

And now here it is. Not a very legendary accomplishment though, but considering the work and brainstorming involved, I want to give myself a hi5. I don't know how many people would play it. but certainly, this proves i am good at taking up a new problem and implementing a solution. Brainstorming, debugging and giving a result. The only concern is the large amount of time i take up. Wish I could do things faster.

Anyways, returning back to the game: To play it, download it from the following link (No No I wont ask my fans to download a virus :P ). Open it with a browser and BINGO. To start the game, click on 'start game'. Read the instructions if you want to, but tetris being so popular wont need introduction. Fine then, cya around.

Download it from here

http://sites.google.com/site/roopamplifier/javascript-playground/

memories..

Last night I saw a dream, that it was my first day at hostel. I don't remember much of it, except that it was as weird as my other dreams. But it brought back my actual memories when I went to hostel for the first time in my life.

I still remember, it was my first day at hostel or rather the first night. My uncle had come to drop me and ma luggage to my double room, which looked so unwelcoming, that I wanted to turn back home the moment I stepped in. It was the first time I was staying away from home and the ragging legends that came along, made my pants wet (well almost) as uncle bid me farewell with a smile which looked more sinister than assuring. As expected someone banged on my door late in the night after dinner. So I opened the door to let in a tall, tuff guy who obviously was a senior with a companion of his who looked the same except being a little shorter. I tried to keep my voice firm but with no success. "yes!?", "first year?", "ye...yes!!".."is that how you greet your seniors","no sir definitely not, m new to hostel","okay then, give me a ninety and show me how fish swims"!!Although It was not the first time, I was getting bullied, I felt better this time, coz they were not ma classmates like before but seniors. I did what I was told to do. A few more tense minutes and then one of their people told them that professors were coming. "alright, roopam...we leave now, but we'll come back!!" so they left.


Its funny how true is the saying..'every man has a master'..even the most scary of seniors, no matter how much anxiety they induced in us, were afraid of professors (with a few exceptions of corse). Trying to digest the sudden change in the atmosphere, i had come out to the common room (its not a room actually, a ground with hostel blocks on each side and and open sky above), only to meet anxious first years like me. Probably the seniors had bullied them too. So that was the first time i met my future friends who are still with me. Now it feels like ages back. No more seniors came that night, but that doesn't mean i was never bullied after that. I'll save that for some other day.

cya.

the day i'll remember part 5

zip zap boom!!

So fellas, this is the last part of my 'the day I'll remember' post and also the most eventful for that matter :P:D
Ahh so where were we..hmmm...we were celebrating bhatter's buddae...on the hostel corridor..night time 2 am...water flying all around..everyone running wildly and laughing...i was feeling a little dumb..with my cybershot in hand..recording the frivolities of the evening....like m watching it on TV..duh
So I decided to join in..(here comes daddy mah kiddos)..i kept the cam, my mobile, wallet, watch n specs in pawan's room...got a bucket and went to the common bathroom to fill up my air-torpedo!!Till now everyone ws wet...anyone was randomly chosen and water poured over him and beaten by everyone....everyone was enjoying basically!!Normally we won't do that....only the b'day boy bears the brunt!!But pawan was having bad days already and everyone knew that...so we decided to shift the wrath on each other so pawan could enjoy!!(friends indeed haan?!) So everyone was running around...we 10-12 of us...the corridor quite slippery now!!I was enjoying really...without slippers...i was running like a small boy....I don't know why the hell would a 20 yr old wud do that....i feel angry sometimes!!so one particular slide was quite long....i was sliding and sliding and sliding....and then boom!!................

I went unconscious....and after that my threads of awareness came in parts:

I realized i was sitting on the wet floor...someone supporting my back...someone looking at my head and shouting...(i think that was puneet)...pawan's face in front of me, couldn't hear him....and one word came out from me..."fuck man"!!I couldn't hear anything...it felt like a long time...it felt like i couldn't remember anything recent....that got me scared...have I lost my memory??

Next I remember I was in a car...puneet beside me trying to console...holding my head...someone had put a handkerchief around my wound...I looked at my legs...they were shaking horribly...i couldn't control them!!I looked who was driving the car...it was someone i knew..was from the hostel, couldn't recall his name...I got very scared...i said.."fuck man, I cant remember anything"....i remember saying that exactly!!

Next I remember I was in a lift going up the hospital on the 3rd floor!!I was standing alright, but I culdn't feel my legs!!My eyes were closed throughout!!I heard..my friends and the receptionist having some conversation...he probably said...."we found his guy on the roadside, my mum insisted dropping him to a hospital, can we dump him here"...then someone took me to the ICU (I think I read that on the door) and made me lie on a bed...or was it just a table..i dont remember!!I was lying where that guy left me...i was shivering..the AC was ON...'someone please switch it off'!!Everything was white...from the bedsheet to the walls!!It was definitely the operation room...my head was feeling very heavy!!I was conscious now...but i couldn't move my head....it felt like a long time lying there!!My friends weren't with me!!Why wont someone put a bandage or something!!Then a doctor came...was young..asked my name...I told him...asked me where i was from...'NSIT'!! "aoo...from the engineering college here??...so you a hostler...what happened?"!!I didn't reply....frankly I couldn't remember a thing!!he started putting medication on my head!!I thought how was I looking...i was wearing a violet half-shoulder waist, jogging half-pants....all wet...no slippers!!A roadside vendor would look better than me!!huh

By the time it was done...I was feeling Okay...I came out of the white room to find the waiting room filled with my friends from the hostel!!whoaa....thats called the hostel spirit!!A hostler's hurt his head...is in the hospital, so we borrow bikes and rush to the hospital even if we don't know who he is and even if it's 3 in the morning!! huh!!but it was nice to see them...having fun...everyone thinking i lost memory and trying to prove that by asking my own name!!:P:D!!By the time I came back to hostel, i came to know India had lost T20...another blow!!enough for today man....i went back to the room...changed to dry clothes and went with puneet to sleep in his double room!!