..

This has become frustrating. All the placements blues have turned from darkness to depressing. The sudden wave of companies has hit my normal peaceful and productive life and has completely destroyed it. All I do now is sit at home, checking my gmail, trying to study C and trying to figure out why I couldn't make it to the last company.

My Dad told me yesterday, that "tumharey pair do naav par hain" (You are stuck between two sides.) By which he meant that I, although doing my undergrad in Electronics, am trying for a software job. For the later, I have bleak chances, as I'll be competing with the best-in-class COE/IT comrades. Many of whom I know and are very good friends of mine. The reason my conscience tells me: that I dont have interest in electronics, and I always have been inclined to computers. Am a bit of coder too. This feels like.. I cannot conceive a term; like an alien world; like a dead walk; like numb; like I am drowning. Competitions scare me. I'll always been more productive in a non-competitive environment.

So, one thing I have realized, it requires both skill and luck to make it across. I've sat for two companies so far. Adobe and Directi; both of them A++ grade companies and offering very promising pay packages. I couldn't get through in either. Lack of skill is definitely one reason, I need to work on that. I need some luck too. Next up is Winshuttle. Let's see.

Hope the depression does not take away the best from within me.

getting to know myself

I have been going to driving classes recently. I always was of the opinion that I was born to travel. I like travelling. Although sometimes I miss home terribly, but I have the general tendency to prefer living outside as much as possible.

I have traveled outstation without letting my parents know. I have traveled really far, all alone. I have often found myself in trouble. Sometimes out of money, out of sleep. But I have enjoyed it. I have always believed that travelling broadens our thinking and perception. But my health problems have somehow weakened me physically. I now think twice before even going to CP. This feels handicapped.

But I really like driving. I am far from perfect right now, but I know I can get better and be a really good driver someday. I have even imagine myself taking up the job of a driver someday. Duh. Engineering, that is taught to us, seems like a dead end. Exploring the world feels a better future for me. :)

Wait, No. I like coding and computers also. I also, in some part of my conscience, want to be a programmer. Web Designer to be precise. I like it. It's frustrating at times and even bad for health. All the shoulder pain and red eyes and hours sitting on a chair, staring at the monitor, which stares back; it feels crazy.

God help me.

the last train

Yup, so as you can see in the image: I am standing at the metro station and the my clock says 11:30. As it happened, it got very late yesterday while dining with my friends at Fire 'n' Ice, Sector 10, dwarka. The end semester exams had just finished and we were celebrating.

Usually on such an occasion, I stayed in the hostel. But today when I was talking with my dad earlier, he was somehow more persistent for me to get home. He even said that if I missed the metro, he can come here to pick me up. That was unusual. Hmm.

So I got up while my friends were still eating to grab the metro. It was already 10:30 and I knew that the last metro left around this time. Still, I my dad's temper scared me and I did'nt want to give him the trouble to come pick me up all the way from home. So I hit the now deserted streets of dwarka and almost panicked when I could'nt find any single rickshaw in site. The metro station was far off and I knew for sure that I could'nt have made it on foot. Luckily I got one and I had to run and cross the red light for that. So when I reached the station (and it was deserted to the point of looking haunted), I hurried with the checking and the half-asleep guards to reach the platform and was relieved beyond doubt that I made it.

As I hopped on the the next metro, I noticed that it was only till the dwarka station and my stop was ahead of that. This caused me some panic but I thought it better to leave the thinking for when the trouble came. And indeed, soon, the driver announced for all the passengers to de-board at dwarka station as it was the final stop. There were hardly 10 more fellow passengers. Hmm, this could be trouble. But after some tense moments, there was an announcement that the next train is the last train for today and it will go to Noida City Center. Relief. :)

So it was now official, I was on today's last train. It finally arrived and I hopped on. There were a total of around 20 people on the train, all half-asleep, sprawling on the seats. The guy who sat in front of me was drunk, I could smell alcohol. (image attached)

So I finally got home at 11:45 and my dad was ballistic. What happened after that was definitely not the kind of day I imagined as the last day of exam.

mom : berserker

my mom reminds of berserker; a demon in the game 'gears of war' which I played sometime ago.

no offense here, but there is one thing similar. i can't stop her. when she's cleaning the room, believe me, you don't wanna get in her way. specially in the morning, she moves around like a berserker in full anger and concentration.

anyways i love my mom. :)

ecg

I just got my ECG done; came out clear.

I scared the hell out of AB last night over a chest pain which came out to be just an infection.

Well, what could I have done. I was scared myself. Pains for minor durations was frequent with me and pretty much used to now. But this was different. It was painful and I was having serious breathing problems last night. I expected it to abate gradually, but it just wasn't. I was half convinced that it was a heart attack and had almost made up my mind to wake up my dad. (it was 2AM).

Well, it came out to be nothing on those lines. Just infection. Chest Infection. Throat infection, mild fever and all the usual allergy stuff. Sorry AB. :P Love you.