The Avengers Effect

So Kolkata has been my home for the past two months. It is a great city with good people and with a mighty river to add to its glorious history.

But what happened today wasn't anticipated. Yesterday the earthquake already rocked the whole of northern india and took a major toll on Nepal. Not that it was of much consequence to Kolkata where the trembles were barely noticeable, but as it happened, I was watching Avengers : Age of Ultron today. I was at the forum mall watching the morning show barely an hour into the movie when the aftershock struck.

I always had this feeling that I am very sensitive to changes in altitude and inclination in my surroundings. Often it has happened that I sensed tremble or change of inclination earlier than my friends or people around me did. So when my seat started shaking I knew it in my heart that this was it. After a few seconds, I guess everyone else did too. And looking at those high ceilings above, it was natural to fear it might come down soon. So the panic gradually spread. People were all up and alarmed and started looking at each other for confirmation. Stampede is a very probable thing to happen in such scenarios. Thankfully I was in a seat very close to the exit gate. I rose up from my chair as did some others around me simultaneously and started briskly moving towards the door.

As I ran towards the exit, I noticed an uncle getting up and asking everyone to "stay calm" and "not panic". A silent admiration ran through my heart for that person to be wise enough to be helping others rather than escaping himself which otherwise might have surely lead to a stampede. I barely had much calm left to actually look back and take notice of the situation again. The floor beneath me was shaking and my heart was racing at its top speed. I quickly ran through the emergency stairs hoping to reach the landing, four floors below, before the ceiling came collapsing. The staircase was filling fast with people exiting from all floors. Much to my relief, I got out a few seconds later and came out in the open.

So yeah, crazy day. It would have been such an experience if Hulk's roar coincided with the hall shaking. People might not have even noticed, heh. I missed avengers but I don't mind that much. Haha. In retrospect, I realized that the staff and the workers at that mall (forum mall, kolkata) were very proactive in helping people to find their way to the stairs or preventing them to take escalators. That was very mature and hats off to them. At the same time, I realized that at times of emergency I lose my calm very quickly and panic. I need to work on that. 

All that is gold does not glitter

Just quoting one of the best things I've ever read. These lines from LOTR just made my day!

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king

 Hats off, sir J.R.R.Tolkien

the nine talismans

So I just completed reading this book "The Secret Letters of the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" during my commutes in the metro. I found it really moving and meaningful. These talismans are really something that every one of us should keep close to our hearts and has healing powers of a sort, for those who are messed up in their life. 

I thought I should share the talismans here ( also so that I can read them afterwards when I need them :P) :

The Power of Authenticity 
The most important gift we can give ourselves is the commitment to living our authentic life. To be true to ourselves, however, is not an easy task. We must break free of the seductions of society and live life on our terms, under our own values and aligned with our original dreams. We must tap our hidden selves; explore the deep-seated, unseen hopes, desires, strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are. We have to understand  where we have been and know where we are going. Every decision we make, every step we take, must be informed by our commitment to living a life that is true and honest and authentic ti ourselves and ourselves alone. And as we proceed, we are certain to experience fortune well beyond our highest imagination.

Embrace Your Fears
What holds us back in life is the invisible architecture of fear. It keeps us in our comfort zones, which are, in truth, the least safe places in which to live. Indeed, the greatest risk in life is taking no risks. But every time we do that which we fear, we take the power that fear has stolen from us - for on the other side of our fears lies our strength. Every time we step into the discomfort of growth and progress, we become more free. The more fears we walk through, the more power we reclaim. In this way, we grow both fearless and powerful, and thus are able to live the lives of our dreams.

Live with Kindness
It is important to remember that just as our words are our thoughts verbalized, so our deeds are our beliefs actualized. No action, no matter how small, is insignificant - how we treat someone defines how we treat everyone, including ourselves. If we disrespect another, we disrespect ourselves. If we are mistrustful of others, we are distrustful of ourselves. If we are cruel to another, we will be cruel to ourselves. If we can't appreciate those around us, we won't appreciate ourselves. With every person we engage, in everything we do, we must be kinder than expected, more generous than anticipated, more positive than we thought possible. Every moment in front of another human being is an opportunity to express our highest values and to influence someone with our humanity. We can make the world better, one person at a time.

Make Small Daily Progress
The way we do small things determines the way that we do everything. If we execute our minor tasks well, we will also excel in our larger efforts. Mastery then becomes our way of being. But more than this - each tiny effort builds on the next, so that brick by brick, magnificent things can be created, great confidence grows and uncommon dreams are realized. The truly wise recognize that daily improvements lead to exceptional results over time.


To Lead Your Best Life, Do Your Best Work
There is no insignificant work in the work. All labor is a chance to express personal talents, to create our art and to realize the genius we are built to be. We must work lie Picasso painted: with devotion, passion, every and excellence. In this way, our productivity will not only become a source of inspiration to others, but it will have an impact - making a difference in the lives around us. One of the greatest secrets to a life beautifully lived is to do work that matters. And to ascend to such a state of mastery in it that people can't take their eyes off you.


Choose Your Influences Well
We do not move through our days alone or apart from the world around us. And so we must always be aware of the things and the people that we allow in our lives. It's a mark of wisdom to choose to spend time in those places that inspire and energize you and associate with those people who elevate and uplift you. Whether in our work or within our personal lives, these most positive friends and peers will inspire us to be our greatest selves and to lead our largest lives.

Life's Simplest Pleasures Are Life's Greatest Joys
Most people don't discover what's most important in life until they are too old to do anything about it. They spend many of their best years pursuing things that matter little in the end. While society invites us to fill our lives with material objects, the best part us us knows that the more basic pleasures are the ones that enrich and sustain us. No matter how easy or hard our current conditions, we all have a wealth of simple blessings around us - waiting to be counted. As we do, our happiness grows. Our gratitude expands. And each day becomes a breath-taking gift.

The Purpose of Life Is to Love
How well you live  comes down to how much you love. The heart is wiser than the head. Honor it. Trust it. Follow it.


Stand for Something Bigger than Yourself
There are no extra people alive today. Every single one of us is here for a reason, a special purpose - a mission. Yes, build a beautiful life for yourself and those you love. Yes, be happy and have a lot of fun. And yes, become successful, on your own terms rather than on those suggested to you by society. But - above all else - be significant. Make your life matter - be of use. And be of service to as many people as possible. This is how each of us can shift from the realm of the ordinary into the heights of the extraordinary. And walk among the best who have ever lived.

posting from ipad

just random stuff. testing the blogger app for ipad. looks decent
everything looks so much better on an ipad :p

pickpocketed

This calls for a blog post.

So I got pick-pocketed in the metro 2 hours ago. At Akshardham, one of the most crowded stations in the evenings. I was standing there waiting for the train. I had my headphones on, to brace for the one hour torturous ride back home from office. The train came to a stop, the doors opened; humans rushed at other humans at the gates, where of course there was no space to stand. I tried to fit in. In the process, my bag, which I was holding on my back, got drifted with the crowd. This is normal I thought. I tried to pull it in the front, which I did with some difficulty. Things came to halt and doors closed.

Train was moving now. I checked my pockets instinctively, first my jeans and then my bag's outer pocket, where I generally keep my wallet. The later was ajar. "It's ok man", I told my panicking insides, "you must have forgotten to close it". I slid in my hands. Empty. Panic. I turned towards the crowd, all still, all staring at me, panic apparent in my eyes. I worked my way away from the doors inside, looked around hopelessly, not knowing what to look for.

I am a such a coward. I should have shouted. I just stood there frozen, but then spoke casually. "Everyone please take care, a wallet has been stolen." Someone asked "Just now?". I said "Yes, My wallet. From my bag." There was activity. Eyes on me. Someone suggested, "Check everyone's pockets. The train is moving, he mustn't have gotten down." I just stood there. I am hating myself for this. I just fucking stood there. Some uncle said, "You look educated. Don't you care about what's yours." And I just fucking stood there. Got down at the next station, Yamuna Bank, called up dad to block my credit and atm cards. Later realized the extra difficulty I had pulling my bag to myself when I was getting in. It was then, that moment, when the godforsaken, son-of-a-fucking-bitch had his hands in my bag's pockets, trying to sneak my wallet out.

I lost a credit card, atm card, driver's license, some random loyalty cards and 400 cash this evening. I am hating myself, not for being careless or for the loss. But because, I didn't act when I should have.

nostalgia after a long looong time

So I have been reading the novel Revolution 2020 by Chetean Bhagat in the metro during my daily commutes. I've been through the first 100 pages and am feeling very nostalgic today. The same old feeling when JEE results came out and about that feeling when I couldn't clear the first time around. The depression of the drop year, the feeling of "eating, drinking and sleeping IIT" and the deparate love affair of those times.

I felt so happy today, that after deboarding the metro I went for a ciggarette and tea. I have left the habit of smoking, but still I did it for the old times sake. It was so awesome. I was finally feeling internal bliss after a very very long time.

superfast week

Last week went by super fast. It feels like it was only yesterday that I was wailing about another week of work ahead. Today is Sunday again and again I feel scared. It feels wrong.  

the longest password

My first few notions of my own email account came when I was with my dearest friend Abhinav. The time when gmail came out, I vaguely remember us going in a riskshaw to his house and talking in astonishment about a mailing service which gives 1GB of storage. "Mother of Emails" as it was called back then.

So we created our first emails from the invites we got. We were discussing the passwords we had used and how long it should be to be really secure. At some point I said that Bill Gates might have the longest and the most secure password in the world. His password might be so long that he might take at least a minute to type it. I know it was stupid and it was way back in 2004, I think. I don't know why but those memories just flashed by for some reason.

forgot ipad

So the stupid me forgot my iPad at office. It was Friday and I was just in a hurry to start my weekend. But then from the metro I called my senior there and asked hi to put it in a safe place. No harm done.

Also I was just astonished how good I am at forgetting things. More at not giving a feck than forgetting really. ( just came across a chat meme with the word 'feck'. Rad? ). So I tried to recall what my iPad's screen size is: hmm, 11 point something. But what if someone asked me. Bezzatti. So I just went through apple's website.

Mine is a 16 GB ipad3, wifi+3g with retina display screen of size 9.7 inch , 2048by1536 resolution, dual core Apple A5 processor, 5MP back and VGA front camera. It has upto 10 hours of continuous wifi browsing, video or music, dolby digital 5.1 speakers and lots of other cool stuff.

Impressive.

olx -> aliens?

I posted an ad on olx.com to sell my old books some months back. I got a response yesterday. Someone interested in buying it. But now I can't find the book even after I've been searching all morning. Come to think of it, just a crazy thought appeared. May be once you post something on olx.com, it just disappears and gets transported to their silos. May be olx.com was started by aliens.

heartburn

I seem to be having a heartburn.

Symptoms are severe burning sensation in the food pipe, reflux of acids in the throat, stomache and a general uncomfort in the chest. I have been having this problem for sometime now. I suspect some kind of lung infection. I feel better relieved to some extent when I think it just might the stomach instead of my lungs. I am going to see the doctor tomorrow anyway.

treat code with respect

One of the most inspiring things I have learned here at Info Edge is the amount of respect that everyone gives to the code. Cron scripts here are treated with emotions, talking to them while making them, feeling anxious when the script is running, appreciating the script when the results are good like a human and feeling sad when something breaks.

Also the lingo used here in normal conversations to discuss issues has a touch of typical informal-indian lingo that we used as kids.

"Wahan code phat rha h... mere server pe theek chal rha tha but live pe mar gya" 

( The code is breaking there.. it was running fine on local server but died on live)

"Bohot sahi kaam kar rha h ye.. saara kaam sahi se kia isne is baar, jaldia bhi kardia isne.. good h" 

(The code is working really good.. did all its work reall well this time and also took very less time.. nice). I love it here. :)

Office!

We use ubuntu here. When I first started using this OS a long time back, one feature that interested me was that of locking screen. I always imagined using this feature being inside an office with cubicles and preventing other colleagues from accessing your terminal when you were out for a coffee or something.

I just imagined it that way with no previous experience, just the picture I derived from american movies: just a manhattan style office, coffee vending machines, cubicles, terminals with linux with locked screens, those typical plastic window curtains, high rises visible across the window, etc.

Now that I spend 9 hours daily inside my Info Edge office and some of that virtual picture has substantiated splendidly. There are cubicles alright, coffee vending machines, my own linux terminal which I can lock whenever I go for a coffee or sandwhich; those exact curtains, and trees visible outside them. Its unreal. Its great here. The work is good, people are nice and everything.  

The end where I begin

So my college is over.

I don't feel like I ideally should. It does feel weird, that of something coming to an end. But I've never really felt attached to anyone, place or thing, hence the apathy. What bothers me although, is the sudden change in schedule that is visible on the horizon. The shift from careless-college to a pensive-professional life. There is too much uncertainty.

The journey for the last four years has been very happening. Especially the first two years. The next two were sober. A little downward slant in my confidence graph which I regret sometimes. I port it to the reason of me leaving hostel. Had I stayed there, things would have been very different for me. You just don't abandon a house which you've been building from scratch for a very long time. All I was left with was a broken reputation, faded friendships and a confidence lost with time.

It was not that bad though. I learnt other things. I was able to give more time to my parents and stayed in a better health. So basically its a confused reaction I would give if someone asked me how it feels to leave college. Too many happy memories for sure, but also too old to try and relive them. As I told a friend once, "What you are missing is already gone" and telling this to myself always makes me feel much better.

There are couple of things I would regret though. I could never have a girl-friend in college. Not in the conventional sense, but a companion for mutual learning and caring at a respectful level. May be because I don't have the swag that ladies prefer. May be I am not that socially outgoing. May be the girls weren't good enough either. An engineering college is almost always the wrong place if you want to meet a girl of your taste. Too complicated, fuck it.

Another thing I would regret is my back in Optical Communication paper in my seventh semester. If you are a bad ass adrenalin junkie, boasting of a back does make you look cool and makes everyone else feel jealous. But if you are one of the jealous lot, and later try to be a bad ass adrenalin junkie when you get an unexpected back, its not the same. You try to act cool, but at the back of your mind, you can't get the guilt out of your system. You just try to convince yourself, that its a dream and it will be all right somehow. I can't drop the paper either, its a compulsory subject. I'll have to wait another year to get my engineering degree and that is if I clear the retest. This ruins the moment. Damn!

Meanwhile I was rummaging my old hostel stuff and found this diary. There were lyrics of a song written at the end which I remember writing two years back. Ironically, the song fits this situation and its a nice song too. I'll share it here along with the lyrics.

8 'o' clock precise

One of the earliest songs I ever heard. The tune of this song is like embedded inside my head. It plays back sometimes when I get up and look at the clock. The lyrics don't make much sense to me. Its just the warm, juvenile, dreamy emotion attached to it.

#FuckSopa

Stone Cold

I am in Gorakhpur right now. Its 7:30 in the morning and its stone cold here. The fog outside is overwhelming. Its seems a little out of place, may be because I've always associated deep winters with my home city New Delhi. I am here for my naturopathic treatment. I am not suffering from anything really, it is just for "cleaning the body from the inside."

Here, they put emphasis on lifestyle. The food we eat, the schedule we follow; instead of medicines to cure illness. Apart from that there are "treatments". One of them involves, and reader discretion advised for what lies after this, inserting a tube up one's arse and then inserting warm water; one litre of that. After that the "patient" feels pressure and excretes.

Yeah, don't make a face; because I just had that. This method is supposed to clean the intestines and hence makes the digestive system more efficient. And apparently there are no side effects. The food here is without salt, oil; ultra simple food. I am supposed to walk for 45 minutes both in morning and evening. There are couple of other treatments I have taken so far which are less sinister: hot water bath for legs and hot-n-cold water bags on the stomach. It feels weird; I am just here coz my grand dad. Hope this ends well.

Emotions can be such a bitch

A friend of mine proposed a girl from my college. It's strange how the story resembles the many I have come across earlier. Boy likes the girl; plans out THE moment to propose her; prepares a gift et al; and then a rejection; hurt and lost the boy looks for relief in his buddies; gets drunk; blurts it out; his love, passion and the tragic ending. Every boy I know personally enough to share such things have gone through this story.

It's emotions after all. Care, infatuation, craziness, et al. Its so human. Its not bad always. It can sometimes drive a person to achieve something too far otherwise. Take my friend for example. I am getting the intuition that he's gonna crack some big shot company in order to prove himself. Something he wouldn't have cared about if this incident hadn't happened.

People need an incentive. A reason. They need a driving kick to achieve something amazing. People work because they need money. This money could be fulfilling some or many aspirations/reasons. Money to survive; to have a respectable social status; to give someone's family a comfortable life. Whatever. The whole point of the whole point is: humans need incentive. The girl in our example could have had a reason. She could already have been dating or wanted to date someone else. She could have had a family pressure. She might not have liked my friend in general. The argument tree can grow infinitely in n dimensions with n tending to infinity.

I was just pondering about how everything came into being. The emotions/reasons/money/love: where did it came from. Why us, humans are so much of a slave for them. The answer could lie in our up bringing. The society that we grew in. The elders we saw while growing up. May be our mind indeed was like an empty bucket. It becomes what is filled in. The whole network of do-this-when-this-happens is all created and builds up as we grow and hence in every generation psychological trends tend to repeat.

This is so confusing. Emotions are such a mesh of arguments and nodes. You pick one end and try to reach somewhere, there are chances you will never get there and get lost eventually. It's such a bitch. It's often more reasonable to just shut out the mind when it gets excess and become evil.

Fuck!

home alone: day 5 and 6

Its difficult to write when you have nothing really to say.

Days were ok. Lonely as usual. Anurag joined me yesterday for dinner. We had a sort of night out, played Call of Duty; tried some recipes. It was fun. Different from the awkward silence before.

Rest same routine as usual. I didn't have a proper dinner today. Wasn't really feeling up to it. Made noodles; had boiled eggs and apples. Arrggg. Please someone make the exams end. I want to try something new.

home alone: day 4

I don't have much to tell today. I am just writing this because I promised myself I would make a catalog. The day was not eventful at all. Except, may be, for the exam ( Communication Systems ), which was bad. I am almost flunking in this one. I don't know, may be I was too slack on studies or  may be... Wait, I have it there. The reason. I am too lenient. Distracted.

Morning was a rush to complete the syllabus; amidst the panic that I was forgetting every previous topic along the way. Then was the defeat-conscious travel from home to college. Gave the exam, wrote what I remembered in bits and pieces. Came out with one hour still left. Came back home. Did some "computering". Started studying for the next exam after dinner. Dinner was yesterday's rajma, morning's leftovers and chapatis. "Leftover", Hmm. Seems to be an integral term with people who live by themselves.

Just wound up cleaning the dishes. And here I am writing this.